Creek Running North has learned that an un-named Darwinian jihadist has taken a holy book hostage, and is threatening to urinate on the Word O’ God unless enough people link to his blog.
Developing…
[UPDATE] Creek Running North has been asked whether our links to the site are not in fact knuckling under to extortion. The Management of Creek Running North reaffirms our policy of non-negotiation with Pterowrists. Any links provided in our coverage are provided only to ensure the public’s right to know. We will keep you updated as the story develops.
[UPDATE] in a recent story published on Creek Running North, we claimed that terror biologist PZ Myers was holding a Bible hostage and threatening to urinate on it unless he received links to his weblog. We have since been informed by the High Command at the University of Minnesota, Morris that absolutely no incidents of urinating on bibles have taken place, and that the three instances of biblical micturation they found after thorough investigation turn out to have been accidental, aside from the two incidents for which the perpetrators were written letters of reprimand. Creek Running North retracts the story.
Chris,
I went to the site in question and found that yes, indeed, some mentally unstable individual was threatening to go wee-wee on a Holy Bible. In hopes of saving this lost-sheep’s eternal soul, I offered the following advice, which I’d like to share with all your readers, so that they too can find salvation and avoid the fiery, hot, all-consuming fires of Hell.
“Now I get it. You people aren’t atheists. You’re pagan druids worshiping fish eggs. How could you do this to your parents, to your country, to your president? For God’s sake, George W. Bush is going through hell right now to save this great nation from terrorist hordes, and you have the nerve to hold up the BIBLE to ridicule. Plagues of locusts and herpes and bad caviar will shortly infest your loathsome unbelieving shorts, reducing your privates to pale, shriveled shadows of their former tiny selves. Have you no sense of decency? Don’t you get it? Pissing on the Good Book will doom you for far longer than you might imagine. So repent! Take back your foul threats! Turn away from your vitriol and cult-like fish egg worshiping pagan tripe and learn to find salvation in the truth of born-againness. And do it soon, before that avenging angel James Dobson turns his bright eye toward your ignorance. Amen! Amen! Amen!”
If anyone — and yes, I’m talking to you, Hank Fox — would like to join me in a rousing prayer for redemption, I think we’d all sleep better tonight.
And Chris — thanks for bringing this to our attention. You done good, son.
I like your link comments.
Your retraction is too little too late. If any urinating happens anywhere at UMM in the near future, it’s your fault.
Since your journalistic integrity has been forever compromised, I think it’s only appropriate that you retire, Dan Rather-style, from your position at Creek Running North. The blog’s new anchor should be a blogger with more objectivity and a better track record for getting the story right. Someone like Instapundit, or Matt Drudge… or… or… me.
You can send your login information to me after you write a graceful letter of resignation. My first entry at Creek Running North will be titled: “PZ MEYERS: PUTTING THE ‘STREAM’ IN MAINSTREAM MEDIA?”
Hmmph. At least Clarke can spell my name correctly.
Maybe I need to add that to my list of demands: STANDARDIZE THE SPELLING OF MYURRRHZ!
FROM: Department of Homeland Security
TO: Terror Suspect. Morris, MN
CURRENT ALERT STATUS: Vermilion
Re: request for correction of spelling, PZ Meyers
This is an automated response. The DHS is in possession of your request for correction of the spelling of your surname/family name. We have attached your file to our name corrections queue, which is atached below. DHS addresses all requests for spellling correction in the order received. If you wish to expedite our spelling correction process, you may request an in-offfice interview by following this procedure:
1) call our Appointment Hotline at 1 (800) RAT-FINK
2) choose the apppropriate option from our voice mail system
3) beat yourself nearly to death.
Otherwise, our agents will get in touch with you once your name comes to the top of the list. Thank you for your understanding. We know you have a choice of secret government police agencies, and we appreciate your choosing the Department of Homeland Security.
Best Regards,
M. Chertov, DHS
“Work makes free!”
Attachment: SPELCOR list, 6/5/2005
Moamar al-Gaddafi
Moamar el Gaddafi
Moamar El Kadhafi
Moamar Gaddafi
Moamer El Kazzafi
Mo’ammar el-Gadhafi
Moammar El Kadhafi
Mo’ammar Gadhafi
Moammar Kadhafi
Moammar Khadafy
Moammar Qudhafi
Mu`amar al-Kad’afi
Mu’amar al-Kadafi
Muamar Al-Kaddafi
Muamar Kaddafi
Muamer Gadafi
Muammar Al-Gathafi
Muammar al-Khaddafi
Mu’ammar al-Qadafi
Mu’ammar al-Qaddafi
Muammar al-Qadhafi
Mu’ammar al-Qadhdhafi
Mu`ammar al-Qadhdh?f?
Mu’ammar Al Qathafi
Muammar Al Qathafi
Muammar Gadafi
Muammar Gaddafi
Muammar Ghadafi
Muammar Ghaddafi
Muammar Ghaddafy
Muammar Gheddafi
Muammar Kaddafi
Muammar Khaddafi
Mu’ammar Qadafi
Muammar Qaddafi
Muammar Qadhafi
Mu’ammar Qadhdhafi
Muammar Quathafi
Mulazim Awwal Mu’ammar Muhammad Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi
Mu’ammar Qadafi
Muammar Qadhafi
Mu`ammar Qadhdh?f?
Mu’Ammar el Qathafi
Muammar Quathafi
Moammar Qudhafi
Muammar Al-Gathafi
Muammar al-Qadhafi
Mu’ammar Al Qathafi
Muammar Al Qathafi
Moamar El Gaddafi
Moammar El Kadhafi
Moamer El Kazzafi
Mu’Ammar El Qathafi
Muammar Gadafi
Moamar Gaddafi
Mo’ammar Gadhafi
Muammar Gathafi
Muammar Ghadafi
Muammar Ghaddafi
Muammar Ghaddafy
Muammar Gheddafi
Muhammar Gheddafi
Momar Kadaffi
Mu`amar al-Kad’afi
Muamar Kaddafi
Muammar Kaddafi
Moammar Kadhafi
Mouammar Kadhafi
Moammar Kazzafi
Moammar Khadafy
Muammar Khaddafi
Muammar Qaddafi
PZ Meyer
Okay,
I think you win that one Chris — but shouldn’t Myers name be changed to Pee Zee Myers?