Becky’s cousin got married Saturday, a big church wedding with Chinese banquet following. The cousin is a wonderful young woman and her new spouse a stand-up guy and we are happy for the two of them, and yet there was something abut the wedding that attracted our critical notice.
That something: Every reference to married couples — whether in the ceremony referring to the cousin and new cousin-in-law, in the invitations, the toasts, the table cards, whatever — took the form “Mr. and Mrs. [Man’s First Name] [Man’s Last Name]”
It was a little jarring to see written reference to “Mrs. Chris Clarke,” I’ll say that much. It brought forth images of unknown and entirely hypothetical women, as if I was nine years old and imagining my adult life with people I had not yet met. It certainly didn’t bring Becky to mind. Becky once, briefly, considered using “Clarke” as a last name for certain purposes, such as applying for jobs. Then she shook her head and came to her senses. The thought that Becky might be referred to properly as “Mrs. Chris” just did not fit any reality with which I am familiar.
I know this isn’t such an uncommon thing in some places. But this was in the Bay Area, at a wedding of a woman who has a career in high tech and no intention of giving it up. It was very strange.
I signed the guest register for us both, as “Mr. and Mrs. Becky Lum.”
Good for you.
But, wow, I didn’t think that was done anymore, save in the most formal, traditional and religious circumstances. Even Mrs. (Her first name) (His last name) would at least not erase her individuality. Even my mother, born 1925, never went by Mrs. (his first name) (their last name), only using her own first name.
Weird too, because, I can’t remember the last time I was called Mrs. (His last name), although it has happened. Even after I changed it (Ten years after the usual time) for non-traditional reasons.
Unfortunately, chivalry is not quite dead.
When we got married, for a variety of reasons, I took my wife’s last name. This has been mostly just fine, but occasionally it flusters people to no end.
It’s especially funny when she gets mail or some other kind of notice addressed to Mrs. Brett Hendrickson, since it was her last name in the first place.
Technically, that’s right. There is no Mrs. (her name) (his last name), because Mrs. is a title, and she’s not married to herself.
That being said, it’s a really anachronistic thing to do, which they no doubt were ordered into by some wedding etiquette book. Miss Manners would have told them better, had they listened.
Really, really annoying: I’m hyphenated, and (prominent local museum), instead of listing me by the name our membership was bought under, listed me as Mrs. (my name) (his last).
Which isn’t just annoying and presumptuous and rude, it’s wrong.
Geez, if you’re gonna be a “traditionalist” look it up.
Most rude, sir. The accepted form is “Mrs. and Mr. Becky Lum.”
Naming conventions are interesting. My favorite (as in, odd) is the Hungarian (my sister-in-law is Hungarian).
Let’s say that Ms Emily Gareb marries Mr John Chevre; thereafter, she is properly both Ms Emily Gareb and Mrs John Chevre, but nothing else.