Becky asked her fourth grade students to write a personal narrative story about an experience they’ve had. She’s returning this one for fleshing out, but I kinda like it as-is. In its entirety, then:
Me: Where are we going?
Aunt Robyn: Garden of the Gods.
Me: Yay! Woo Hoo!
Dan: I sort of remember the way.
car: vvrrooooom vrmmmm.16 minutes later…
Grandpa: Well, here we are. Garden of the Gods. Oh, look! Our little climbing rock.
Me: Yoo-hoo. Yay.21 seconds later…
Me: Top of the world!
Dan: Come with me.
Me: Wow! What a place!!!
Dan: I’ll show you my rock20 minutes later…
Me: Wow!!! Cool!!!
Echo: Cool! Cool! Cool!
Me: Now that’s cool!
Dan: I know what’s cooler!1 more hour later…
Me: Wow!
Dan: Ya Wow.
Me: So cooooool!!
Dan: Awesome! Yeaaa!2 hours later…
Me: Finally all packed up!
Dan: Now that’s awfully long.3 Hours later…
Me: Tohf! I’m sooooo tired!
Dan: Now the stove!1 more hour later…
Me: Good! Toof! Let’s go inside and move stuff like sleeping bags, candles, food, and coal!2 more hours later…
Me: Wow! That was long, Dan!
Dan: Yeah! Hey, let’s go inside.The End.
Clearly a budding screenwriter. Good character development solely through dialogue.
See if Aaron Sorkin needs a writer.
Oh. I assumed Toof was their dog.
I have an active imagination.
That reads like the Fifteen-Minute Troy.