Tom Montag thinks he’s topped my Google search strings:

Someone just arrived at The Middlewesterner by searching msn for "shelf life of prune juice." Top that, if you can.

Sorry, Tom. Too easy.

1. 
   Paul Tomblin 2005 03 10 at 12:28:26 pm

   One of the things that webalizer gives me is a list of all the search strings used to find my site.  Here’s some of the better ones for February:

   the marching morons

   vietnamese bun recipe

   kathy’s affair

   glorioski

   fucking spammers

   painful fucking

   can i use the memery from my old pc in to my new xp

   fucking computers

   make me money

   american beautiful babies pictures

   cheesesteak and hoagie factory

   fucking in hospital

   assholes

   bellies viewed times

   damn fuck!

   faa hockey leagues

   gray rain curtain silver glass

   hat at the table

   how can i get a job in antartica

   i want to work outside in the beautiful wilderness of ketchikan

   i work with idiots

   pictures of the biggest toronto in the world

   plane behind paul tomblin take off noise waiting

   synonym of dumb ass

   the first anniversary of the super bowl wardrobe malfunction th

   windows fat fuck

   you’re a jerk!

2. 
   Tom Montag 2005 03 10 at 1:23:47 pm

   Chris—I concede. I concede to Paul Tomblin, too. I get some weird search strings, but never a run quite like that. I get “retirement poems” and “first year anniversary poem” and “women with big breasts….” but never anyone looking for a job in Antarctica.

3. 
   elck 2005 03 10 at 2:29:15 pm

   The following search string deposited a reader at my doorstep:

   “disorganized bewildered fearful distracted forgetful unprepared self doubt”

   I should get some kind of prize, no?

4. 
   Alex 2005 03 10 at 2:53:37 pm

   “hinderaker faegre blog iq fuck”

   “katie holmes breakup”

    

   those are just from today. I get better ones, but never save them.

    

   For the record, Hinderaker really is a total faegre blog iq fuck.

5. 
   Chris Clarke 2005 03 10 at 3:04:07 pm

   Elck, you win the “search string that makes me wince hardest” prize, taking #1 away from last week’s “broken toe how to tell”.

   Alex: I said come on, faegre blog iq fuck

   I said c’mon, faegre blog iq fuck;

   everybody to the limit

   everybody to the limit

   everybody come on faegre blog iq fuck.

6. 
   the_bone 2005 03 10 at 6:37:25 pm

   Some of my favorites:

   what can be learned from the bone

   Gandhi’s sacrifices

   gay naked dads and sons at the beach pics

   butte pirates

   gunter glieben glauchen globen

   Rapping governor Schwarzenegger

   porn star in warrant cherry pie video

   alexandra kerry see through dress

   poems about gi joe

   objectivism John Cage

   wrestling in pantyhose

   mary tyler moore porn

   anti abortion poems

   anagram fun

   seppuku with a frisbee

   Dennis Miller schlong

   “bullshit” college university sucks bitch conspiracy

   gay bone cocks

   “wounded in the stones” penis OR testicles

   arnold recall petition doing very good

   bush composed of anuses

    

   People need to learn to use quotes to limit their searches, and to stop being creepy.

7. 
   Chris Clarke 2005 03 10 at 6:48:08 pm

   true story: there’s a “classic rock” radio station in the Bay Area called “The Bone.” Sometimes in the truck, when Air America is being annoying I listen to that instead. I hit the “FM” button last weekend and heard — verbatim — :

   “On The Bone. Gunter Glieben Glauchen Globen!”

8. 
   the_bone 2005 03 10 at 7:04:47 pm

   That is outstanding.  I love you, man.

   My site is one of the top Google destinations for that phrase, usually for people who want to figure out what those pseudo-Germanic words mean.  I imagine those folks are pretty irritated when they find that I translate it as “Our one-armed drummer beats his wife.”

9. 
   Paul Tomblin 2005 03 10 at 7:48:04 pm

   This just in:  “inflatable ann coulter”.  That scares me more than “mary tyler moore porn”.

   I also got two hits looking for “osh gosh air show” from somebody evidently not too familiar with the Oshkosh fly-in.

10. 
    Chris Clarke 2005 03 10 at 8:07:33 pm

    inflatable ann coulter

     

    I’d think if you wanted a prosthetic Coulter, a megaphone on a pile of wire coathangers would be the way to go.

11. 
    Alex 2005 03 10 at 10:41:19 pm

    “wounded in the stones” penis OR testicles

    It’s uncomfortably specific, but I admire his knowledge of Boolean searching.

     

    “butte pirates”

     

    That one seems rather poetic to me, somehow.

12. 
    tost 2005 03 11 at 2:35:31 am

    You guys are making all this shit up, right?  Because if you’re not, we’re a lot closer to the end of the world than I care to believe.

13. 
    KathyF 2005 03 11 at 5:51:18 am

    I like to play with the little googlers who are searching for “Bonnie Franklin nude” at my place. I still haven’t figured out if THE Bonnie Franklin posed nude, or if there’s a porn star named Bonnie Franklin. Maybe I’ll google that.

    I’m also trying to start the “David Horowitz nude” google meme. So far no takers.

14. 
    Chris Clarke 2005 03 11 at 12:29:45 pm

    David Horowitz Nude!

15. 
    KathyF 2005 03 11 at 3:09:49 pm

    Oh my god, that’s scary! Especially if you mistake the pipe running from the sink for a tail.

16. 
    leslee 2005 03 11 at 7:08:45 pm

    Speaking of Boolean searches, I just got:

    mud pictures boy OR man OR men OR children OR child OR woman OR women OR people OR person OR girl

17. 
    the_bone 2005 03 12 at 11:11:47 pm

    These just in:

    every morning why does my bone aches?

    epididymitis blogspot