Toad in the Hole

July 01, 2006

Just Sayin'

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Actual license plate*, photographed in the parking lot of a restaurant outside Hot Springs. Arkansas.

(*Arkansas is a one-plate state: official license plates ride on the back of a vehicle, so people can put any old thing on the front plate niche. I'd known there was an influx of Latinos, but was idly surprised at how many were named Jesus and then wondered how more than one had managed to get vanity plates with their names on them, until the penny dropped and I realized they were Christian souvenirs.)

So I've been watching the news about the papilloma-virus immunizations, thrilled that they exist finally and just cynical enough to expect the nonsense that came from the wingiest of the wingnuts. One Christian mother was quoted to the effect that she lived her life so as not to need to worry about the virus (the one that causes a lot of cervical cancer, and is sexually transmitted) and she was raising her daughter to live the same way.

This leads me to suspect that this lady has her husband chained in the basement, and, more to the point, is raising a little boy similarly chained, to be her future son-in-law. Maybe more than one, so her daughter will have a choice? I wonder if the leftovers will be released into the population, sold on eBay, or humanely euthanized. Unless one is completely blinded by the Woman = Sex nonsensical subconscious theme, one must figure out PDQ that one must guarantee not only one's fingerpuppets', excuse me, daughters' constant seamless "chastity" to protect her from cervical HPV and cancer; one must also guarantee that of her future husband. No sowing of wild oats. No off-base foolin' around on shore leave. No slips ever, because while God may forgive, biology doesn't.

And of course it won't be Hubby/Son-in-Law/Boywillbe-boy who suffers and dies for his sins. It will be his sweet unsullied wife, Christianlady's daughter.

This statement of the perfectly obvious brought to you by Toadhut, your one-stop shoppe for Saying It Yet Again.

Posted at July 1, 2006 04:41 AM


Since I'm not a promiscuous whore who ever has to worry about such things, I have not been following the HPV saga. It's not about me; why should I care?

I'm kidding, of course. The truth is, I haven't been following it closely because of my blood pressure.

I don't know much about HPV. I have it in my head that it's the same thing as genital warts (though it might be a different virus altogether), and I do know a number of women who have undergone a very, very painful procedure to remove genital warts from their cervices (in order to avoid not only spreading 'em to others but also death by cervical cancer), something taking about an hour, involving lasers and being awake without anaesthesia, your legs in stirrups and the scent of your own flesh burning filling your nostrils. Some women I know have just had things frozen off, again in stirrups with no anaesthesia, but I don't know if these things were virally inspired or just strange growths. So happy to have missed it all, really, and all kidding aside, for me as with everyone else who's managed to dodge this bullet (laser blast? freeze ray?) it was just the luck of the draw. Oh, and by the way, all the women whose condition derived from a virus were warned that whatever they'd had taken off might grow back, that they were probably not permanently cured, and that they might still be able to transmit this crud to other people.

One woman told me that when she told the guy who gave 'em to her that she had 'em and that she'd for sure gotten 'em from him, and that he would have to be examined and treated, he refused because his exam and treatment would involve a doctor poking around inside his pee-pee, which would also hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. The fact that he might literally kill any women he might sleep with in the future if he did not get treated was of little consequence to him when compared with the possibility of discomfort he might suffer during his own treatment. There was nothing she or anyone else could do about this except never ever have sex with him again. My friend, obviously, could only take care of herself in that regard. It was highly unlikely he would warn others.

Wouldn't it be great if a vaccine against such nasty things could be developed and every person could receive it along with other vaccines as a child? That way, nobody would have to have their genitals painfully cleaned with fire and ice, and nobody would have to worry about any of it, ever. Since the people who marry their perfectly chaste little darlings just might not be good enough for them, I do not understand why anyone would fight against the existence of this kind of protection for their own children. Once again, we have the idiocy that erupts when some people believe in forcing other people to live by rules that would only make sense if we all really lived in an imaginary fairyland overseen to the point of micromanagement by a just but stern fatherly god.

Argh. Can't think about this. Must go bake now.

Posted by: Sara at July 2, 2006 06:42 PM

I suppose it's a facet of the thing that leads people to say, "Why did God let this happen to meeeeeeeee?" -- the basis for such literary crises of faith as the lead character's in that SF novel The Sparrow -- when they'd have had to live in a very deep and soundproof hole all their lives not to know that worse things happen to other people all the time.

Or of the "We don't wear seatbelts because we trust the Creator" thing.

Or, in a more secular vein, "I didn't know children got cancer or any of this awful stuff! I just thought they got measles and colds and little things like that!" Which I actually heard, from someone's mommy, in a pediatric hospital. WTFF, didn't she watch TV?

Don't get me started. Oops, too late.

Posted by: Ron at July 2, 2006 06:56 PM

Of course, if you really want to make yourself crazy, you can sit and contemplate the number of children who are discovered to have been sexually abused because they are diagnosed with venereal diseases, including HPV. Nice, huh? Obviously they are being punished for sluttily allowing themselves to have sex with people three or four times larger than they are and authority figures to boot before puberty has even started.

Of course, if they were vaccinated and didn't develop the disease, their abusers might not be discovered for a looooooong time, if ever.

Like I said, you can drive yourself batty thinking about this kind of "justice."

Posted by: Sara at July 3, 2006 02:55 AM

Sara, I've met a few such children. And the notion of that "justice" is, believe it or not, another antichoice argument, to the effect that "abortion covers up crime." Because of course a woman's or child's body is somehow a crime scene, evidence, some_thing_ to be ruled on and decided about by other people. As if that weren't what had already happened, and why it was a crime.

Ugh. It's Monday and I still have this damned headcold in my chest. Ow. Also mostly Duh. More coffee, please.

Posted by: Ron at July 3, 2006 04:21 PM